I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh god it's open bar.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
