that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
