Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
