Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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