made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
