marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
