Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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