He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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