Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
