It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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