I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
