You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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