wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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