it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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