Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
