Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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