Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
