I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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