I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
