let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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