The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
