Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
