Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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