she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
