White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
