I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
