dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize