Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When are your genitals available?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
