I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
