Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
