I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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