I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
