You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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