Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
