wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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