I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
