I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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