Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he thought i was a dude.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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