Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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