Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mom said you looked used
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
