I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
