Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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