Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
