Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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