At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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