You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
