In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
