I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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