no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got her a Nickelback box set.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
