i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
