I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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