I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
