I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
