I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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