is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
