worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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