just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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