The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i dont even know how to be here
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
