Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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