he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
