you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
