batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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