my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
