ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've blown a few things in my day
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
