i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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