Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
