yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
