Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
