Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize