the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
