Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
