I just saw a hot homeless man
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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