Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize