just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
