Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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