I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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