I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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