the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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