and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
