It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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